your parents love me but you hate me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need a beard to bite.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
