my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
