Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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