He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
