I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
