she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
