Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
