I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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