You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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