you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
