those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
