i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
