so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
