I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
