and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
