It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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