Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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