It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
