we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We are two peas in an std pod
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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