Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
