This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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