I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
