so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
