This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
