Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
