walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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