I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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