Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
cat food counts as protein by the way
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Alive.
So much puke
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
