Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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