Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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