This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
