I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
