Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
