Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
