birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
