i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
