At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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