Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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