I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we made out on top of his cat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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