She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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