Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Boobs speak an international language.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
