I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
