I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
