i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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