his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
