She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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