I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
