I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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