Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
