We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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