Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
